SKETCH "LOG LINE" John Analwart, an ultra-successful broker of foreign mergers, and his prodigy family, The Analwarts, are a completely conventional prodigy family, except for their attention-getting last name - but is it a curse..? Or is it a very, very, very big blessing..?

SKETCH EXCERPT (various episodes)   JOHN ANALWART (episode recurring line) I’m gonna do you a favor by letting you in on a little secret behind the communication methods in the Analwart family, which, for generations, have served only to foster our immeasurable success-- *  *  * PRINCIPAL He just called his teacher a Polar Bear’s Engorged Anal Cavity. -- And then he said he’d urinate on her face if ‘Cisco’ lost a point. JOHN With those earnings??!! I don’t blame him! In fact, he’s a better man than me. I’d wipe my butt with the faculty if it lost a mere half. (PRINCIPAL FUMES...JOHN CUTS IN) JOHN And what’s so insulting about polar bears. Are they not a kid’s animal? *  *  * JOHN WHAT?? I’M OFFENDED!! I’D LIKE TO KNOW JUST WHAT’S SO VULGAR ABOUT MY LAST NAME, YOU UNEMPLOYED CELEBRITY ANAL BLEACHER YOU?! *  *  * DON IWATANI You ask a lot of Matsushita Corp. Why should I do so much? JOHN Well, Hentai, I don’t think you have much of a choice. If American Holographics pulls out now, you’ll be lucky to get a job on the set of Crouching Eggroll, Hidden Anus.. as CEO of Jackie Chan’s anal makeup staff! (DON TURNS RED FACED & HEAVES) JOHN That’s right, Yoko Ono, and you’ll be singing “Just Like Starting Over” out of your anus, too. (DON ANGRILY WHISPERS TO MEN IN JAPANESE -- THEN FIGURES IT OUT) DON IWATANI (asterisks indicate Japanese talk) “***”? Startin’ over? “***”? Oh? Starting Over! (DON SMILES, STARTS WIGGLING BUTT TO THE TUNE OF THE SONG) DON IWATANI “It’ll be, just, like, starting ooveer.” Ha-ha. “Just, like, starting ooooooveeeer.” Ha. Ha.